While having a drink and watching the crowd at Fuse (Broadway, SF), I realize that no men were making a move on any of the ladies, although there was a bunch of single women hanging out there. This reminded me of an article I read from SF Weekly, which suggested that single women in SF had a harder time finding mates, because SF men don’t approach women. What’s going on here, guys? Have you all gone GAY?? I know, I know. We are living in the 21st century and women shouldn’t always depend on guys to make the first move. BUT, the fact remains we love to be hit on. It’s such a compliment when a guy makes a move on us. By doing so, you make us feel pretty and desirable. And what woman wouldn’t want that? We may reject you, but we still want you to ask us out. Now, this may seem cruel, wicked, and perverted, but it is still a fact and will probably remain that way until the end of the mankind. (We’re vain. We can’t help it.) And unless you understand this and do something about it, you won’t get to know that girl who’s been staring back at you for the last 15 minutes, despite your hopeful wish she’ll approach you first, because she won’t. (OK, she just might, but it’s unlikely.) And still unlikely is your post on the Craigslist for the Missed Connection bringing her back. So grow a pair already and just ask! That’s exactly what Pedro did and now my sister, Amy, is going to Barcelona! Talk about craziness! Now imagine what might happen between you and that cute barista you’ve been ogling at for weeks… Well, I guess you’ll never find out until you ask, huh?
girl next door on May 18 2010
Hobbies and Girlfriends
So I got an e-mail from one of the readers who told me that he liked to hunt snakes as a hobby. His problem is, most women find it repulsive except for those really wacky ones. From my past experience, I can tell you that sometimes your favorite hobby and girlfriends don’t go together so well. One of my exes had a lifelong passion for playing paintball, something I was not aware of at the time we first met. All I knew was how much he loved art and going to museums, which, I eventually learned, was all BS – he had just made that up to impress me. Then I realized how serious he was about this hobby of his. I think it was his dream to actually make a career out of playing paintball, only, he was not that talented. Besides, he had his own business, which required him to work 6 days a week. The only free day he had was Sunday and he’d rather go play paintball all day long than hang out with his girlfriend. (It’s still a mystery to this day why he even wanted a girlfriend at all. Maybe he was a closeted gay and needed a cover up.) I am certain many couples experience a similar dilemma, whether it be paintball, fantasy football, or love for snakes, even.
I’m not suggesting you should give up on things which make you happy. You should do what you love to do. In fact, you should even use your hobby to meet someone who appreciates taxidermy just as much as you do. I mean, would you really like to be with someone who finds your favorite pastime objectionable, or stupid, or even downright disgusting? If my ex had met a girl from one of those paintball tournaments, he probably would have had a great relationship. As for the snake man, I suggest you visit reptile conventions. Who know? You may find the love of your life while feeding that 7′ kingsnake.
Also, don’t assume girls won’t like your hobby just because you think it’s “manly.” There are tons of ladies who are into the Ultimate Fighting Championship. By the same token, there are many women nowadays who can probably kick your ass playing Call of Duty. You need to realize that we are living in a world where many women are becoming equally interested in what used to be considered gentlemen’s hobby. I mean, hell, I love going to strip clubs!
So, don’t be afraid to share your interest even if it’s not a conventional one. You just have to find someone who would understand it. Just be honest about it. You don’t want to repeat the same mistake as the paint ball boy.
girl next door on May 11 2010
Help!!
I’m totally stuck in a rut here and can’t come up with new things to write about. I usually write a page on Sunday afternoon and post it by Monday afternoon at the latest. It is now almost eleven o’clock Monday night. To be honest, I have been feeling rather unmodivated for the past few weeks. I kept thinking, ‘Come on, how many more clever advices can I possibly come up with?!!’ After all, we’ve probably seen and heard EVERYTHING. There is nothing new when it comes to dating advices. In fact, I feel like there is nothing original in this world anymore. A friend of mine thinks this blog is a total circus. He tells me, “What advice? All you have to do is smile at her and if she smiles back then the rest is all easy.” Holy crap, if only things were that easy! Then I wouldn’t even bother to write, let alone stress over what to write every week. If picking up a girl was truly that easy, I think the world would be a much more peaceful place.
So what now, you say? Do me a favor and send me something to write about. I’d love to hear what you guys have to say as long as it’s dating related. Even if it involves an imaginary girl that you have a crush on, I’d still like to know. Just give me something!!
girl next door on May 4 2010
Dating 101 (for those nuclear-physicists and clueless guys)
I just totally assumed that most of us knew what you should and should not do on a first date… until my sister’s ex-fling Pedro spilled some interesting story about this guy with whom Pedro’s roommate recently went on a date. Story goes, Pedro’s roommate was interested in this thirtysomething guy she met at the gym. Even though they talked for a while at the gym, this socially awkward nuclear-physicist never asked her out. Finally, frustrated by his lack of action, she suggested that they go out and get a drink sometime. So, a date was set and she was quite nervous, because she thought he was really awesome and cool and all that. Then everything changed by the end of the night… Let’s take a look what went wrong, shall we?
Everything was fine, really, until in the middle of dinner the nuclear man decided to tell his date that she reminded him of his younger sister. Strike One! What?! Are you serious? No girl would ever get turned on upon hearing some shit like that unless she had some sort of a sick incest fetish. Needless to say, the girl was a bit disturbed. But whatever, she brushed it off. After all, this guy was really cute! And he probably meant well. So, after dinner, they went out to grab drinks. They kept talking and talking and she told him that she and a couple of her girlfriends were leaving the next day for Amsterdam for five days. Much to her shock, his answer was, “Will you wait for me?” OK… let me get this straight. She’s going on a short trip with her girlfriends and he wants her to do what? Wait for him?! WAIT FOR WHAT?!? Strike Two! Unfortunately, even before she could fully recover herself from such embarrassment, he did it again, wrapping up the night with a total disaster. He asked her, like some timid five year old boy, if it was OK for him to kiss her. Yikes. Strike Three!
Sure, first dates are always nerve-wracking, which is probably why they don’t always end so well. But before you start blaming it on your date or coming up with some pathetic excuses about how she was not a good match (remember the fox and the grapes?), I really need you to go over some of the things you do on your dates. Even if your mom swears that you are the most wonderful person in the world with the best table manners and a million dollar smile, you can still be totally annoying. Here is a list of a few behaviors most girls find to be absolute turn-offs:
1. Don’t confuse confidence with cockiness. Don’t brag about how much money you make. You just look pathetic. Always be humble and grounded. (Unless you are on a date with a gold digger, in which case, knock yourself out.)
2. Be polite. Not just to your date but to that waiter who is serving your table. Just eat your damn steak, I don’t care if it’s overcooked! And please tip them well. Women love generous guys.
3. Don’t bring up any of your past relationships. This is one big deal breaker.
4. Even if your family is a big clan of assholes, don’t even think about saying anything negative about them. Women like a man with good family relationships.
5. Open up, but don’t get all emotional now. Remember – it’s a first date! It should be light and fun.
6. If you happen to have unusual hobbies like attending SM parties or collecting dirty underwear, wait until you feel comfortable around each other to share them… Even then, she might find it creepy.
7. Nowadays most people are anti-smoking. If your date does not approve it, leave that pack of Marlboro at home. Especially if you’d like to kiss her that night. (And if all happens to work out, you will have to seriously think about ditching smokes… Ah, the power of love! It’s grand, isn’t it?)
8. Being humble does not mean that you should complain about your less perfect life. C’mon, don’t be a downer.
9. No woman likes picky eaters. Do not pick at your plate while complaining how much you hate Thai food.
10. If everything goes swimmingly and you get to see her again very soon, don’t hesitate to kiss her. (We like it when you are assertive. That’s hot!)
Good luck!
girl next door on April 26 2010
Cyberlove
Last month’s issue of the San Francisco magazine 7×7 covered the dating scene in the city and one of the articles showed this very attractive single man and woman looking for love on an online dating site. When the online dating first appeared, I admit that I was a bit skeptical. I thought it was just a tool for those socially retarded people looking to avoid the regular routines like making the first eye contact, approaching, striking up and carrying a conversation to finally obtaining her number to seal the deal, the whole nine yard. But, I realized that I was being a snob. After all, online dating is just another way of meeting people but in so much bigger scale where, theoretically, you could even meet your soul mate 10,000 miles away from where you are (not that I believe in soul mates…) Or, it could even be the girl who happens to live just around the block from your place but you never knew. I’m not saying you should sit in front of your laptop all day and chat your life away thinking you’ve found real love. But this is something you should definitely give a shot if you’ve tried everything else for the past three years but to no avail. I know many of you guys didn’t even bother to go check out the horse ranch even after reading Lady Godiva!! Shame on you!! Well, if you haven’t checked out the horses yet, I can tell you that signing up for online dating sites is much easier and faster.
Before you sign up, though, I must remind you of the importance of a good picture and an interesting profile. With a blurry snap shot photo and a boring generic profile, you will hardly get any attention. Ask a friend to take a good picture of you. Try to avoid anything too serious or too silly. And NO topless photos! I’m sure you are very proud of your rock solid Bruce Lee body, but you are not signing up for Mr. America. When it comes to describing yourself in the profile, don’t lie! Consider this as a resume but a personal one. Even if you have a shit load of entertaining stuff to write about yourself, please try to refrain and keep it short and simple. And one more thing! I’ve seen some guys uploading 20 something photos of themselves, but that just makes you look vain and Narcissistic. Post 5 photos at most and you can show her the real thing when you score a real date!
girl next door on April 20 2010
Mr. Nice Guy Part II Be Cool
Recently, a close friend forwarded me an article from the CNN site, Men Ditch ‘Nice Guy’ Style Get More Dates by Stephanie Chen. The gist of the article is that there are tons of good men out there, learning it the hard way that nice guys finish last. According to Arthur Malore, founder of New York Dating Coach, “Girls might say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is the cool guy.” And it’s true. I’ve noticed the boys who possess those cool, dark, mysterious qualities and who are always less available, don’t have any problems getting a girl.
Meet my friend Cody. Cody has never had a problem meeting a girl for the last ten years I’ve known him. And I can tell you that he is sure faaaaaaar away from being the Mr. Nice Guy. Sure, he is pretty good looking and very much in good shape. But the real secret? His sarcasm, wry sense of humor, and slight unavailability. Women find him irresistible. Cody always tells everyone that being too emotionally attached is the recipe for a disastrous relationship. So, he puts up this big wall around himself, and ironically enough, it’s this wall that draws women. Like moths flocking around a hot lamp, they ALWAYS want more of him.
We all want what we can’t have. Same goes for women. The moment a woman realizes she has a complete control over you, she gets bored. You have to create this whole illusion of a chase. From time to time, you just have to say no to her. From time to time, you have to keep your distance. From time to time, you just have to be… COOL.
girl next door on April 12 2010
Lady Godiva
For the past two weeks, I’ve been pretty much stressing over finding new material for the blog. (My dear readers, you may think it’s an easy job. Trust me when I say this – it is NOT easy.) Then, as luck would have it, I came across this fascinating story while I was out having dinner with a group of friends.
The story goes:
There once lived a man who couldn’t find a girl for himself, because of his painfully small stature (5′ tall, to be exact.) To make the matter even worse, he had a rare genetic bone disease that was mostly visible around his wrist. Basically, he was the frog. And yes, he was very sad and lonely. He wondered everyday if he could ever find that special someone. He waited and waited, but to no avail. And so he continued to be very sad and lonely. Then one weekend, he found himself at some horse ranch by chance and met this lady who happened to be the princess he’d been waiting for all his life. They fell in love and, only after six months of courting, got married and have been living together happily ever after.
The End
Now, my dears, what could we learn from this lesson? Well, I’ll tell you what. According to the research I’ve done over the weekend, 85% of active horse riders are women. Intriguing, yes? Indeed. So, I took a field trip to a ranch in Half Moon Bay to check out the scene myself. Unfortunately, it was not one of those places where serious horse lovers would hang out. A big mistake on my part. For you guys, I suggest to go to a place where you can actually take the riding lessons. Also, it might be a good idea to do some research beforehand, so you know what to expect once you are there.
Two things you should know:
1. Women orgasm while riding horses.
Yep. And that is also one of the reasons why women LOVE to ride horses. Of course, this doesn’t apply to every woman, but just think – a beautiful, innocent woman in the nature, riding a horse and… rubbing one out, right in front of your eyes. Arousing, isn’t it? What more incentives do you need?
2. Women love men who love what they love.
Translation: Women who love horses love men who love horses. This is true not just in this case, but in every situation. We love men who show interest in what we love to do. We love to share what we love. We want you to love what we love. In this case, women who ride horses tend to develop a very deep, very special bond with the animals. You need to understand – they absolutely adore these creatures. And most men fail to understand this connection. Now, do you see where I am getting at? Imagine, you in a vast ranch with no other men around, but only women, beautiful, gentle, animal loving women, riding their horses (and coming.) They see that you also share that special love for their horses. Suddenly, you are the object of their affection.
So what are you waiting for? Somewhere out there, your lady Godiva is waiting for you, riding a horse, dreaming of the man who would love the animal as much as she does. Perhaps, for a little motivation, you could watch a few good old cowboy movies (probably not Brokeback Mountain, though…)
Giddy up, cowboy!
girl next door on April 6 2010
The Art of Conversation
Thanks to my sister Amy and her mysterious Spaniard, “Pedro”, I was invited to Pedro’s farewell party at Jupiter’s in Berkley last night. (I was shocked to find out that Jupiter’s do not serve hard liquors, but only beers and wine.) Because of the nature of the field Pedro studies, there were about dozens of people who were mostly involved in either astronomy or astro-physics. They were definitely not your average Joes for sure, but more like real hardcore nerds with a slight social awkwardness. Don’t get me wrong. A man with a passion for what he does is definitely a BIG turn on. But at some point, you need to realize that not everyone can understand or is interested in what you have to say. For example, I was having a conversation with this guy who happened to be an expert in black holes. He was obviously an extremely smart guy and he could talk about stars and galaxies and quasars for days and sure, it was all interesting and fun. But I couldn’t help thinking, what else could he talk about? Is this really what average women would like to talk about? Which led me to thinking, what should a guy talk about with a girl on their first encounter? If you are one of those guys who have absolutely no conversational skills, here are some possible topics and rules you might want to use the next time you find yourself in that uncomfortable silence sitting across from her.
1. Being knowledgeable is the key to interesting conversations. I don’t expect you to be Ken Jennings but have some general ideas about what’s going on in the world. You don’t even have to go deep. Go broad. I know many guys hate to read but maybe it’s not a bad idea to subscribe to the News Week. It’s only weekly and it will update you on latest issues about almost anything. Please, no celebrity gossips, though.
2. Don’t act like a know-it-all. There is nothing more obnoxious.
3. Don’t get lost in talking about the line of work you are in or studying especially if you are in the tech industry. She is not your colleague and probably isn’t willing to listen to it for hours, let alone on the second date.
4. Be responsive when she talks about her interest, even if you don’t know anything about it. You can even admit that you have no clue about it. Be openminded. There is always room to learn new things.
5. Don’t be afraid to speak your opinion. It’s OK to disagree. Just don’t push it down her throat.
6. Movies and music are always good/safe topics. If you have absolutely opposite tastes, refer to #4.
Having a great conversation (a conversation that lasts all night) can be sexier and more entertaining than anything else you can do on the first date. If you truly want to make a great connection, you’ve got to be able to talk to her. (Unless you are planning to marry your DS character…)
girl next door on March 29 2010
Chasing Amy Part II : The Mysterious Spaniard
If you have been reading this blog then you know of my single sister “Amy”. And if you haven’t, then go check out the recent post “Chasing Amy”. About a week ago she briefly told me that she had met some guy at her rock climbing gym who asked her out on a date to this brewery in Berkeley. (’About fucking time’, I thought.) Long story short, ever since that date with the Spaniard, I personally haven’t heard from my sister except some pieces of random information from my mom. Honestly, I couldn’t help but wonder who is this mysterious Spaniard?
Well, so far this is what I know about him. For some time, he has been going to the same rock climbing gym where Amy goes nearly every day. Supposedly he is from Barcelona and has been in some study abroad program at the Berkeley. Apparently, he has been also checking Amy out and wondering if he would ever have a chance with her. On top of that, the Spaniard’s buddies strongly advised him NOT to ask her out because she is too cute for him!! (I can’t believe he called these people his friends! If you ever happen to be in this same situation, I strongly advise you NOT to listen to them! If anything, take it as a challenge!) So it took another couple weeks, until he finally decided to ask her out. He JUST asked and she said yes. And now, she has been going a date with the Spaniard nearly every single day. (Oh yeah, its business time!) Unfortunately , he is going back to Barcelona in a week, so they have no time to waste.
And the lesson you boys should learn from this Spaniard? (I’m hoping you’ve figured it out by now.) I know some of you guys have been checking out that girl whom you run into on a daily basis. It could be the cashier at Safeway or perhaps the bank teller at the Wells Fargo. I know you have been thinking about asking her out for like a fucking zillion times, so just do it already! Don’t worry if she says no, she’ll take it as a compliment and (if you’re cool about it) you’ll come across as a confident gentleman. Who knows, she might change her mind or she might set you up with her friend. Seriously, JUST ASK!
P.S. As for Amy’s friend Tom, he is still single and looking. (Tom, I hope this will MOTIVATE you!!!!)
girl next door on March 22 2010
Smelly Cat Smelly Cat, What Are They Feeding You?
OK, we are all grown ups here and I really shouldn’t have to bring up your hygiene issue. Or, so I thought – that is until my friend Cody told me about his ex-roommate “Roy.” As you may have suspected, Roy is, of course, single. In fact, he’s been single for a long time and I think you know why. Yep, that’s right – he’s dirty. Excuse me, that came out wrong. I meant, FILTHY. Yes, he’s DISGUSTINGLY FILTHY. Apparently, Roy doesn’t like to take showers so much. Maybe once in a while, when things get a little too out of control, he sticks his head under the faucet in a vain attempt to make his hair somewhat less sticky. Totally, totally gross. And that’s just his HEAD I’m talking about. But let’s not go any further… down.
I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but women tend to be more sensitive about smell than men, especially if it’s a foul one. That’s why we constantly check our armpits, spend an hour in the shower, slathering a bunch of shit one after another all over our body, and are forever on that grand quest for the perfect perfume. You probably think it’s all very silly, but we can’t help it. We love to smell good and we like things that smell good. And for us, there’s nothing like a good smelling man. Ahhhhh… give us that clean, fresh, manly smell and we are hooked. Personally, I’m an Old Spice girl. Just a whiff of that stuff, and my knees grow weak.
But that’s just me. I’m not saying you should all start wearing Old Spice. At the end of the day, if you think about it, it’s all really simple: Do what your Mama told you. If you can’t remember, here’s a list:
1. We are not in Africa. We get water all the freaking time. Brushing your teeth and washing your face daily is not an option. It’s a mandatory. Especially, if you are a sweaty person, you HAVE to take a shower everyday. (And yes, you have to use soap.)
2. Check your armpits. If you can smell it, we can, too. And it gives some of us migraine headaches. So, please! wear your deodorant. I know some guys have this uncontrollable sweating problem that’s beyond the power of anti-perspirant. If you are one, I suggest you go see a dermatologist. She may inject you with Botox.
3. You can’t wear the same boxer and socks for three straight days… Or, two.
4. Long nails are not only unsightly, but they’re also not good for the health as they can carry gazillions of germs. And no, I won’t shake your hand!
5. Get a hair cut. You are a responsible adult. Look like one.
6. It won’t hurt you to wear a well-chosen cologne. Just don’t bathe in it. A spritz would suffice.
Even Robinson Crusoe shaved everyday when he was alone on that deserted island. What’s your excuse? C’mon, make your Mama proud.
